He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
