just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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