Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
