During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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