i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
