if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love you. Go after that dick
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
