I want to have your abortion
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
