Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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