So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
