OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
