My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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