He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
