"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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