You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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