I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
