i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
