Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
