the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it glows. i had to have it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
