she was so not down for the gang bang
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
