When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
