we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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