so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
