I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
