Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
