I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
