evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
