I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
