3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
