Can Purell be used as lube?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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