Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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