I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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