My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
