Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
