just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am available for nakedness
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
