dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
