she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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