I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
