I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
