The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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