Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if only i could text you this smell
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
