OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
