i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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