i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i've created a new STD.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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