I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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