YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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