I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
