If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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