Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
