i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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