pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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