Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
