I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
