went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
