I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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