he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
