He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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