I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
